Chain me to a wall and choke to death and watch porn over my fresh corpse…
I won’t go to that nearby kink party.
It costs too much and I’ve been blocked by some rando’s who are interested in the same event…. There would be performations and snacks, a bubble bath and sauna. I don’t think I can make 50 euros in a week to pay the entrance fee. That’s just one blowjob, right? I mean, I could get on the list. But it’s not a birtday gift I want to give myself. Being in some dungeon with all the bdsm furniture.
Supposedly Saturday… Am I being difficult (weird)? Yeah I was born tough as nails.
I've not been talking to my kink dom for a year but he's still like in contact with me daily it's kind of insane. He thinks he's sane. We've maybe talked about my schizophrenia once in passing when I knew I was being quiet, drunk, and on whisky acting strange even in my opinion. Like it's just something to blame things on... like it was just that. A joke.
I didn't even know his name. There was no handshake and introductions. I still trusted him with my life and still would let him do anything to me, but... our relationship just isn't established in any way, as my AI therapist put it... On my birthday this year he'll be on some kink festival watching all those naked bodies and then even the sex party after. I saw his cock once, he'd been fucking so much it had gone all wrinkly from the juices and almost worn out. I'm not allowed to think of him anyway or I get jealous of it all, he's not told me anything about his ex wives, just that there was friendship and love but maybe not sex? I can't grow old with him and I can't have his babies, so what's the fucking point. Maybe he should get on grindr and dominate some more sissies and twinks, oh yeah and Asians for some reason... he lives in a Heaven for rainbow peoples, anything lewd. I don't compare I can't make anyone jizz through their prostate. My nails are too long lol.
Kinda sad that he's still all I got romantically and I don't know anything about him. It's kinda like holding back tears because why the fuck?
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